LOVE IS TRUTHFUL

“Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.”
(I Corinthians 13:6)

I’ve never been hooked up to a lie detector. Have you? How you would do, if you were? Here are a few of the most common lies people tell today. Have you ever told any of these?

– The puppy won’t be any trouble, mom. I promise I’ll take care of it myself.
– The check is in the mail.
– You made it yourself? I never would have guessed.
– Thanks for the invitation. I’m sorry I can’t make it tonight.
– You don’t look a day over 40.
– That dress looks great on you.
– It’s delicious, but I can’t eat another bite.

Why is it so hard to just tell the truth? We fear the consequences. We are afraid of conflict. We don’t want to hurt people’s feelings or be hurt ourselves. So, we tell white lies. We skirt the truth. We avoid deep conversations

Unfortunately, truth-avoidance leads only to superficial relationships in life. Superficial relationships are built on shallow communication. Everything is kept on a surface level. You avoid conflict at all costs. You never resolve misunderstandings. You avoid revealing your real opinions and feelings. As a result, the relationship never goes deep; it never gets personal and intimate.

On the other hand, intimate relationships are sourced in truthfulness and honesty. They require openness, transparency, and vulnerability. They work through conflict together. They are built on unconditional love, acceptance, and support.

How is your marriage? How are your family relationships? How are your friendships? Are you settling for superficial relationships? Or are you pursuing healthy relationships through openness and truthfulness?

Dear Heavenly Father,
I confess that truth is not always easy.
Give me the courage to be open & vulnerable.
May my life be marked by honesty & truthfulness.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE IS FORGIVING

“Love … keeps no record of wrongs.”
(I Corinthians 13:5)

Lists. We all make them. David Letterman popularized the “Top Ten List. When I go shopping, my wife gives me a shopping list. Sometimes, we have a “honey-do” list posted on the refrigerator; a list of projects that need done around the house. At Christmas time every year, people write out “gift-lists.” I start every week by writing a “to-do” list for myself. You may have a list of passwords for your computer and internet sights. Task lists, reading lists, wish lists, check lists, bucket lists, etc. We live by lists.

But there is one list that is very destructive. Unfortunately, it is a very common list – a list of wrongs. It is most often heard when a husband or wife is hurt by their spouse. “Remember when you failed to call home, you were late from work, you forgot our anniversary, you made that stupid purchase, you broke your promise, you did such-and-such, you said this-or-that.”   Then, the other person responds in kind, “You leave dirty dishes all over the house, and dirty laundry all over the bedroom, and you never put your shoes away. You never help out around the house. You do this. You blew that.”

We are good at keeping score. We record all the wrongs and offenses. We replay them over and over in our mind. We refuse to let them rest. The memory of past pain fuels present injustices. Peace of mind eludes us. Instead, bitterness and resentment build.

I’m so thankful God doesn’t keep a list of wrongs that I’ve done.   The Psalmist wrote, “If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O lord, who could stand?” (Psalm 130:3) I know I wouldn’t have a prayer to stand on if God kept a ledger of my sins. How about you? Instead, the Psalmist goes on, “But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you are feared.” (Psalm 130:4).

Just as the Lord keeps no record of wrongs, you and I are to keep no record of wrongs. Love doesn’t keep score. Love writes no ledgers. Love doesn’t record a play-back list of offenses. Real love is forgiving!

Dear Heavenly Father,
Your love is as high as the heavens are above the earth.
You have removed my sin as far as the east is from the west.
May I forgive others as You have forgiven me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE IS NOT ANGERED

“Love … is not easily angered”
(I Corinthians 13:5)

How would you respond in the following scenarios?

– You get cut off in rush-hour traffic and barely avoid an accident
– You back out of the garage and run over your son’s bicycle he left out all night
– Your spouse is late (again) for an important meeting
– Your spouse forgets your anniversary and plans a night out with the guys
– The referee makes a bad call that costs the game

Are you irritated?  Would you get angry?  Would you blow up?  Would you fly off the handle?  Would you yell and scream?  Would you lash out verbally or physically?  Would you stuff it and let it build up over time.  Would you fume for a while?  Would you quietly look for a way to get back?

You’re not alone.  Anger has been an issue for a long time.  Cain killed his brother Abel out of anger.  Joseph’s brothers.  Moses.  Jonah.  Peter.  Jesus even referred to James & John as “Sons of Thunder.”

There are many causes for anger:  impatience, unmet expectations, personal offenses, stress, fear, frustration, rejection, etc.  But it usually boils down to plain old selfishness.  Don’t believe me?  Think back to the last 3 times you got angry.  Now, look a little deeper.  What’s the root cause?

Anger is not necessarily a sin in and of itself.  The Apostle Paul wrote, “In your anger … do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26).   God gave us our emotions.  In fact, God has even been known to get angry Himself.  But anger can easily lead to sin.  And anger will destroy relationships:  marriages, families, and friendships.

Once again, the cure for anger is God’s love in our hearts.  The closer we draw to God, the more His love fills our heart and overflows into our relationships.  At least ten times in Scripture we read, “The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in love.”   I would sure love for people to say that about me – “(Dan) is slow to anger and abounding in love.” 

I’m afraid I have a ways to go.  How about you?

Dear Lord,
May Your love fill my heart and overflow to others.
May Your Spirit control my responses, replies, and reactions to people.
May I be slow to anger and abounding in love.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE IS UNSELFISH

“Love … is self-seeking.”
(I Corinthians 13:5)

What if I told you that we have all been infected with a deadly disease?  It’s more widespread than the flu or the common cold.  And, it’s deadlier than bubonic plague, tuberculosis, and ebola. The truth is that we have indeed been infected.  We are all carriers of this deadly disease.  This disease will kill relationships and it will eventually destroy you if it is not treated properly.  What is this deadly disease?  See if you can identify it from the following scenario described by Max Lucado…

Suppose you are in a group photo.  The first time you see the picture, where do you look?  And if you look good, do you like the picture?  If you are the only one who looks good, do you still like the picture?  If some are cross-eyed and others have spinach in their teeth, do you still like the picture?  If that makes you like it even more, you’ve got a bad case.

If you haven’t guessed it yet, this deadly disease is called selfishness.  We caught it from our parents.  It’s genetic.  It’s inbred in humanity.  Some may have worse cases than others, but we are all infected.  We naturally tend to view everything through the lens of self.

Take a few more snapshots of your life.   Your marriage.  Last weekend.  An afternoon with the kids.  An evening at home after a long day at work.  A day on the job.  First thing in the morning.  Dinner time.  Family vacation.  What do you see in these snapshots?  What do you look like?  Can you spot any symptoms of selfishness?

Selfishness is deadly.  It kills relationships.  And it will destroy your life – emotionally and spiritually – if not treated properly.  There is really only one cure:  God’s love.  Healing comes as we allow God’s love to flow through our veins.   As His love flows through us, those group pictures and snapshots of life suddenly begin to change.  They are much brighter.  They are filled with smiles and laughter and joy!

Dear Lord,
As I examine the snapshots of my life,
I confess that I have been infected with selfishness.
May Your love flood my soul and flow freely through the veins of my life.
Teach me to love others as Jesus loved me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE IS RESPECTFUL

“Love … Is not rude.”
(I Corinthians 13:5)

About two years ago, we converted our home office into an art studio.  And after a 7-year hiatus from painting, my wife picked up her paints and brushes and started painting again.  When we lived in Washington, she painted a lot of watercolors.  Today, she is painting with acrylics and oils.  I am thrilled that she is painting again.

Now if I were to walk over to one of my wife’s paintings and spit on it, you would say that I was very rude.  And you would be right.  Spitting on an artist’s painting would be the height of disrespect.

I would never do such a thing.  I may be a bit biased, but I think my wife is a very good artist and her paintings are wonderful.  I prefer to have them framed and then hang them on a prominent wall in our house, so everyone who visits our home can admire them.

God is a Master Artist.  Each one of us is a unique creation, designed by God Himself.  So, whenever we are rude to anyone – regardless of race, color, gender, or social standing – we are essentially spitting on one of God’s masterpieces.  We are not only being rude to the individual; but disrespectful of God, as well.  We might as well be spitting in God’s face.

“Respect” means that we place high value on people.  We give them a place of honor in our lives.  We treat them with a high level of esteem.  Love is not rude. Love is respectful. If we want to build healthy relationships, we will learn the art of respect – honor, good manners, politeness, graciousness, and common courtesy.

Dear Lord,
You are the Master Artist.
We are Your masterpieces, designed and shaped by You.
May I treat people with the honor and respect that are due You.
May I love others as You have loved me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE IS HUMBLE

“Love … does not boast; it is not proud.”
(I Corinthians 13:4)

Can you complete the following sentences?

– You’ve got to look out for number…
– You’ve got to blow your own…
– You’ve got to beat your own…
– I’ve got to do what’s best for…
– My tastes are simple, I simply want the…
– It may be expensive, but I’m…
– Image is…

What is the common thread in these statements? Each one is about me, me, me! Each one is rooted in pride or selfishness. And pride, like envy, is one of the chief enemies of love. All our self-promotion today leads only to fragmented and unhealthy relationships. What we need is a good dose of humility. Real love is humble.

Consider the contrast between pride and love…

– Pride is self-absorbed. Love is others-focused.
– Pride puts others down & builds itself up. Love builds up other people.
– Pride has an answer for everything. Love listens to others for understanding.
– Pride never says, “I’m sorry.” Love is quick to apologize & quick to forgive.
– Pride wants to be served. Love seeks to serve other people.
– Pride is judgmental & condemning. Love is gracious & accepting.

Can you see why pride is so hurtful and damaging of relationships? Real love walks hand-in-hand with humility.  Sounds like a healthy relationship, doesn’t it?

Dear Heavenly Father,
You have shown us what is good…
To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with You.
Teach me to be humble. Teach me to be loving.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE DOES NOT ENVY

“Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy…”
(I Corinthians 13:4)

Do you remember playing “King of the Hill” as a kid? It’s really a very simple game. Whoever is on top of the hill is “king” – until someone else pushes him off the hill and takes his place. Then that person is king for a while, until he gets replaced by the nest person. The game is filled with pushing and shoving and scrapping and fighting as everyone fights to be on top; to be the “king of the hill.”

Unfortunately, many adults still play “king of the hill” in daily relationships. We are a little more subtle about it, but it’s still very real…

– Look at the kind of car I’m driving.
– Look at the new house we just purchased
– Look at my wardrobe – or my jewelry
– My kids are smarter than your kids
– You only have a Gold Visa card? – I have a Platinum Visa!

Envy has been around a long time. We don’t have to read very far in the Bible before we come face-to-face with envy – Cain & Abel, Jacob & Esau, Rachel & Leah, Joseph & his brothers, Saul & David, just to mention a few.

Envy shows up today in many forums. At school, students envy their friend’s new clothes. In families, envy leads to sibling rivalries. At work, we envy our co-worker who just got a promotion. Pastors envy other pastors with bigger churches. No one is immune to envy.

But envy is very dangerous. It leads to conflict, bitterness, and resentment. It can tear apart marriages, families, and friendships. Envy destroys relationships.

It is no wonder Paul says, “Love does not envy…” Instead, love rejoices with those who are rejoicing. Love delights in others’ accomplishments. Love gets excited when others succeed. Love is not self-absorbed; love is people-focused. Love seeks the best for other people.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for your unfailing love.
May I love others as You have loved me.
May I be content with what You have given me.
And may I rejoice with others as You bless them.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

LOVE IS KIND

“Love is patient. Love is kind”
(I Corinthians 13:4)

Kindness can be shown in many ways; often in the little things we do for other people…

– Making a cup of coffee or tea for your spouse without being asked
– A warm smile when there is pressure or disagreement
– A note saying you were missed
– Washing the dishes when it’s not your turn

Kindness puts others first. Kindness seeks to encourage and build up people. Kindness is compassion in action. And, there is no better example of compassion in action than the story of The Good Samaritan.

A man was robbed, beat up, and left alongside the road bleeding & dying. A rabbi and a priest both passed by and saw the man, but just kept going. Finally, a Samaritan stopped to help. Remember, Samaritans and Jews were normally bitter enemies. But Jesus described the Samaritan’s kindness in Luke 10:33-34 – “When he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds… and took care of him.”

Do you see the three steps of kindness in Jesus’ description of the Good Samaritan?

– First, he opened his eyes & saw the man’s needs
– Second, he opened his heart & felt the man’s pain
– Third, he opened his hands and took care of the man.

Real love is kind. And real kindness requires all three – opening our eyes, our hearts, and our hands.

Give it a try. Look around. Do some random act of kindness this week for someone you love.

Dear Heavenly Father,
May I reflect your kindness to others.
Open my eyes that I might see their needs.
Open my heart that I might feel their hurt and pain.
And open my hands that I might genuinely care for people.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.